Kamal Ravikant (2012)
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Why Love?
Location 166: Your job is purely to love yourself. Truly and deeply. Feel it. Again and again. Make it your single-minded focus. The mind and body will respond automatically. They don't have a choice.
The Practice
Location 175:
- Mental loop
- A meditation
- One question
All three gently return me to self-love. That's the beauty of this practice. It's simple, it's practical, and the results are far greater than you could imagine.
Location 180: There is one requirement. A fierce commitment to loving yourself. This, I'm afraid, can't be skipped. What if you don't believe that you love or, heck, even like yourself? Doesn't matter. If you have to build up to it, that's ok. The practice works in a way the mind is designed to function. The mind has no choice but to adapt and respond.
Location 184: Just remain open to the possibility of loving yourself. The rest is easy.
Window
Location 187: Darkness is the absence of light. Any negative thought is darkness.
Location 193: Each time the mind shifts to darkness - fear, worry, pain, you name it - when you notice, clean the window. Light will flow in.
Mental Loop
Location 202: I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.
Location 208: Most of the time, we're remembering. We're re-living memories. We're running familiar patterns and loops in our head. For happiness, for procrastination, for sadness. Fears, hopes, dreams, desires. We have loops for everything. We keep replaying the loops and they in turn, trigger feelings. It's automatic to the point where we believe that we have no choice. But that is far from the truth.
Location 214: If you had a thought once, it has no power over you. Repeat it again and again, especially with emotional intensity, feeling it, and over time, you're creating the grooves, the mental river. Then it controls you. And that is why a focused mental loop is the solution. Take this one thought, I love myself. Add emotional intensity if you can it deepens the groove faster than anything. Feel the thought. Run it again and again. Feel it. Run it. Whether you believe it or not doesn't matter, just focus on this one thought. Make it your truth.
Location 219: The goal here is to create a groove deeper than the ones laid down over the years the ones that create disempowering feelings. They took time as well. Some we've had since childhood.
Location 221: Forget demolishing the grooves of the past. What you're creating is a new groove so deep, so powerful, that your thoughts will automatically flow down this one.
A Meditation
Location 229: Even if you don't do anything else, please do this. It will make a difference.
Location 230: Each day, I meditate for seven minutes.
Location 232: I sit with my back against a wall , put on my headphones, listen to the music, and imagine galaxies and stars and the Universe above, and I imagine all the light from space flowing into my head and down into my body, going wherever it needs to go. I breathe slowly, naturally. As I inhale, I think, I love myself. Then I exhale and let out whatever the response in my mind and body is, whether there is one or not. That's it. Simple.
Location 237: Inhale: I love myself. Exhale: Breathe out what comes up. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Natural. The music flows.
Location 239: The mind wanders, that's its nature . Each time it does, I just notice where I am in the breath . If inhaling, I shift to I love myself. If exhaling, I shift to letting out whatever is in the mind and body.
Instructions:
Step 1: Put on music. Something soothing, gentle, preferably instrumental. A piece you have positive associations with.
Step 2: Sit with back against wall or window. Cross legs or stretch them out, whatever feels natural.
Step 3: Close eyes. Smile slowly. Imagine a beam of light pouring into your head from above.
Step 4: Breathe in, say to yourself in your mind, I love myself. Slowly. Be gentle with yourself.
Step 5: Breathe out and along with it, anything that arises. Any thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, fears, hopes, desires. Or nothing. Breathe it out. No judgment, no attachment to anything. Be kind to yourself.
Step 6: Repeat 4 and 5 until the music ends. (When your attention wanders, notice it and smile. Smile at it as if it's a child doing what a child does. And with that smile, return to your breath. Step 4, step 5. Mind wanders, notice, smile kindly, return to step 4, step 5).
Step 7: When music ends, open your eyes slowly. Smile. Do it from the inside out. This is your time. This is purely yours. Why music? Since I listen to the same piece each time, it now acts as an anchor, easily pulling me into a meditative state. A crutch perhaps, but a nice one. Do this meditation consistently. You will notice the magic that occurs.
These steps are not totally new to me. I'll be much more intentional about it. I'll do it for a month and see how it works.
One Question
Location 270: In dealing with others and reacting to their negative emotions with my own, I found myself asking this question: If I loved myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this? The answer, always, was a no. Hmmmmmn! Fantastic question to ask! And quite thought-provoking too! I'll keep reading...
Location 275: This question is deceptively simple in its power. It gently shifts your focus from wherever you are - whether it's anger or pain or fear, any form of darkness - to where you want to be. And that is love.
I'm In Love
Location 291: And here's the interesting part. When we love ourselves, we naturally shine, we are naturally beautiful. And that draws others to us. Before we know it, they're loving us and it's up to us to choose who to share our love with. Beautiful irony. Fall in love with yourself. Let your love express itself and the world will beat a path to your door to fall in love with you.
Another Meditation
Location 298:
Step 1: Set a timer for 5 minutes.
Step 2: Stand in front of a mirror, nose a few inches away. Relax. Breathe.
Step 3: Look into your eyes. Helps if you focus on one. Your left eye. Don't panic, it's only you. Relax. Breathe slowly, naturally, until you develop a rhythm.
Step 4: Looking into your left eye, say, "I love myself." Whether you believe it that moment or not isn't important. What's important is you saying it to yourself, looking into your eyes, where there is no escape from the truth. And ultimately, the truth is loving yourself.
Step 5: Repeat "I love myself" gently , pausing occasionally to watch your eyes. When the five minutes are up, smile.
Location 306: You've just communicated the truth to yourself in a deep, visceral way. In a way the mind cannot escape.
Love and Memory
Location 321: If a painful memory arises, don't fight it or try to push it away - you're in quicksand. Struggle reinforces pain. Instead, go to love . Love for yourself. Feel it. If you have to fake it, fine. It'll become real eventually. Feel the love for yourself as the memory ebbs and flows. That will take the power away.
Location 324: And, even more importantly, it will shift the wiring of the memory. Do it again and again. Love. Re-wire. Love. Re-wire. It's your mind. You can do whatever you want.
Change
Location 338: "I think that I'm starting to accept the magic, that life can be this way, that fantastic experiences, things I couldn't imagine within my reach are possible, are happening, will happen.
Light Switches
Location 384: Fighting fear doesn't work. It just drags us in closer. One has to focus on what is real. On the truth. When in darkness, don't fight it. You can't win. Just find the nearest switch, turn on the light.
Location 386: James Altucher, in one of his best blog posts, talks about how he stops negative thoughts in their tracks with a simple mind trick. "Not useful," he tells himself. It's a switch, a breaker of sorts, shifts the pattern of the fear.
Location 392: Fear, when used properly, is a useful tool. It serves us well when near a blazing inferno or standing at the edge of a cliff.
Location 393: But outside of this, it's hijacked the mind. To the point where it's difficult to distinguish the mind and our thoughts from fear itself.
Location 397: Key is this, when in darkness, have a light switch you've chosen standing by.
Coasting
Location 416: "If I loved myself, truly and deeply, what would I do?"
Location 418: I'd commit to the practice. And I would also share the next thing I've learned, which is, don't let yourself coast when things are going great. It's easy to wish for health when you're sick . When you're doing well, you need just as much vigilance.
Location 423: So I return to the question, "if I loved myself, truly and deeply, what would I do?". The answer comes easy: I'd fly. Fly as high as I possibly can. Then, I'd fly higher.
Thought
Location 441: The goal, if there is one, is to practice until the thought you chose becomes the primary loop. Until it becomes the filter through which you view life. Then practice some more.
Location 443: But the nature of mind is thought. Choose one that transforms you, makes your life zing. The one I found , "I love myself," is the most powerful one I know. You might discover another. Regardless, please do it.
Magic
Location 454: The key, at least for me, has been to let go. Let go of the ego, let go of attachments, let go of who I think I should be, who others think I should be. And as I do that, the real me emerges, far far better than the Kamal I projected to the world. There is a strength in this vulnerability that cannot be described, only experienced.
Location 460: Key is being open to loving ourselves. Once we do that, life casually takes care of the next steps.
Surrender
Location 468: You can argue that obsession fuels innovation in our society. True, perhaps. But quite often, behind obsession is fear.
Location 472: Often, the price for not being present is pain.
Location 474: Whenever I notice fear in my mind, instead of pushing it aside or using it as fuel, I say to myself, "it's ok." A gentle yes to myself. To the moment, to what the mind is feeling. Often, that is enough to deflate the fear. From there, I shift to the truth of loving myself.
Location 479: But I can't erase the past, only learn from it. It's ok. Applying what I know makes the present and the future a beautiful place to be.
Belief
Location 483: A side effect of loving myself fiercely was that it started to dislodge old patterns, thoughts and beliefs that I didn't even know existed.
Location 488: Real growth comes through intense, difficult, and challenging situations.
Location 502: The good news is that once the spotlight shines from within yourself, there is no going back . The patterns of the mind that held you back fall away on their own. Like rusty old armor you don't need anymore. With each insight, there is freedom, a sense of lightness. And growth.
Oxygen
Location 509: As I started to love myself, things inside me shifted. Fear strengthens the ego. Love softens it. I became more open, vulnerable. It was natural to be gentle with others, even when they weren't loving towards me. And the times it wasn't easy, I had the resources - the loop, the meditation, the question - to return to self-love.
Location 512: There is a power in this. Rather than reacting to situations, I found myself choosing how I wanted to be. That, in turn, created better situations, and ultimately a far better life.
End
Location 529: I think that instead of reading loads of self-help books, attending various seminars, listening to different preachers, we should just pick one thing. Something that feels true for us. Then practice it fiercely. Place our bet on it, then go all out. That's where magic happens. Where life blows away our expectations.
Location 534: If something else feels true for you, then do that. I really don't think the details matter. What matters is the practice, the commitment to living your truth. The results are worth it. I wish that for you.
Forgiveness
Location 556: "Write down whatever you're holding against yourself," I said. "Everything. Then forgive yourself. Write that down too. When you're done, we're going to give this paper to the ocean. It'll set you free."
Location 560: One amazing thing about women, their wisdom.
Location 570: Today's date. What I'm holding against myself.
Location 573: Finished, I write that I forgive myself . For it all. And in that moment of forgiveness, I write that I am clean and pure. Because I know I am.
Location 576: I hike down to the beach, sit on a rock, and watch the waves. They crash and crinkle over the pebbly shore. I raise the letter to the sky and read it out loud. All that I hold against myself. All the forgiveness. I repeat this until it's not needed anymore. Then I reach behind me and grab a large pebble. When I see it, I laugh. It's shaped like a heart. Ah life, you do have a sense of humor. I fold the paper tight around the stone heart, stare at the waves again. This is a sacred moment. Of giving over all that I held against myself to something bigger. For it to do what it may. For it to take it away from me so that I may unburden myself. So I may live the life I'm meant to live. After all, it's the things we hold against ourselves that weigh us down more than anything. When the moment feels right, I throw the rock high in an arc into the water. It splashes in a quick plop, then it's gone. The waves rush over and around it. That easy. I watch for a while, wondering if the water will return it to me. It doesn't.
Location 587: This time, I write a different letter to myself. Short and to the point: Dear Kamal, I vow to love you fully and completely and deeply in every way, in all thoughts, in all actions, in all my desires, and my being. I vow to love you, Kamal. I sign and date it. I put the notebook down, stare out at the sun.
Location 592: Then, back to my notebook, and I read out aloud. My vow to myself. From a clean and pure place. This, my starting point. It feels beautiful. It feels, well... it feels right.
Location 594: That's how you know when you've hit it. When it feels right. No one can teach you this, you just have to do it. And the more you do, the more you develop a trust in this feeling, the more you listen to it, the more you live it. And this transforms your life.
Rebirth
Location 607: Then I made the vow to love myself . The vow that changed everything. That led to this book. I thought I'd be a huge laughing stock if I published it. But because I loved myself, I had to take the risk.
Location 609: And here you are, reading the result . I swear to you with all my heart, the practice works. Please trust me on it. Please do it, please go all in."
